i NEED euthanasia

My nights and days are mixed up. I can't sleep, but at one point during the day I want it. In the morning I wait until it is time for everyone else to wake up before I come out of bed. As not to disturb anyone. This gives me too much time to think.
My muscles ache and shiver. Guess I've been exercising too much. Oh well.

Today my mom leaves for work later than usual. She tells me what the doctor told her about me yesterday. She said that it is probably all me. That I'm holding on to the pain, can't relax. Because this has been going on for too long. What?! Why?! How? I get upset. My mom adds that maybe I shouldn't graduate this year. Fuck. If I don't do that shit now... when? I hate the system. I'm not going back, if I'm pulled out of school now. 13 years? NO. WAY. I come up with an idea. It probably fails. Like anything else. But I'll give it a go.

I come upstairs to draw. It is much like therapy. Same thing happens when you want to know how a child feels. You ask him to draw nature or his home. Cloudy skies, separate rooms, people missing etc gives away negative stuff.
See a pattern on mine? Whatever it is I'm turning it into a painting. It will be called "NEED"

My cat appears out of nowhere. He has been missing for some time. I pick him up. Only to be covered in blood and sand.
"Been munching on dead carcasses lately, huh?"

I've got an appointment with the gooood doctor tomorrow. More tests. Kinda dull, kinda expensive.