the need to create

I've been walking around the house with an unsatisfiable hunger.

Hunger for creating. Something I can see and/or touch. Maybe it's because I can't take photos as much as I'd like. Been browsing through my creations-folder.

There's a fire burning inside me. I don't feel inspired, no good ideas are haunting me. What I feel is that they're going to come on soon. I'd love to have a strong feverish obsession-like neeed. When that thing I'm about to make is the only thing that's in the universe with me. There's no-one else. Can't wait. Making preparations.

I ordered some bits from Helmehaldjas. I'm going to use them for making these really special earrings. Until they're ready... the reason why they're special remains a secret. But I can tell you this: you'll love 'em. No, wait, I don't think just any YOU would have love for them. But a SINA couldn't simply help it.

The other day I was tidying my room (like I neeeeeeeed to do all the time). The huge jar with all my oil colors kept catching my attention.

So did the boards that I used to paint on. The empty ones in particular. Sweet-sweet oil colors... I love it when my room smells of them. When it is drying somewhere.

I'd paint my walls

and the floor

and the whole ceiling. I've never drawn on the ceiling. Should make it the like the Creation of Adam in the Sistine Chapel.

I want to sew a jacket. Like gorgeous soldiers wore centuries ago. I'd wear it in train stations and spit blood. Laugh and smoke. Hopefully, a lovely camera is hanging around my neck.

Oh dear God, Jesus Christ, Joseph and Mary, keep me with the benevolent guidance in the light of Christ's enduring grace!, how I'd love to do a nice little photo shoot, maybe take someone's clothes off. Anything! Anything with a goddamn camera.

The battery of my Olympus and I (with the precious Olympus) will be reunited on Wednesday. An eternity!

By then I would have already borrowed my cousin's camera to have a goood camera for an event in Riga. Yes, going to Riga on Thursday to see Jan Grarup. What an opportunity! It's not that I take pleasure in watching innocent people suffering. I can't look at his pictures. They make me ache inside, but I love it how he moves me as a person. Removes all the bullshit in our society, where people moan about parking spaces. The photos break my heart, but I love them for it. They're real. They're beautiful.

I'll be away from home for almost a week: going to Tallinn with the small Riga-trip. When I get back, you'll hear about all the awesome things I saw and did, and then I'm going to create something and you'll hear all about that too. Sounds okay?